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HUMORIST THE ANNALS OF WALTER W. WALTER © 2004 Jordan Margolis "Oh look! A parade! Hey kid, what's this parade for?" "It's a peace parade, baby. Want to join in?" "Well it does look like a nice parade. I guess so. After all. I've got nothing else to do. Sure, I'll join in." "Crazy; here man, take a sign." "Can I have a big one?" "Sure: say tell you what; take one end of that banner." "Which banner?" "The one saying: UP WITH VOLUNTEER ARMY! DOWN WITH R.O.T.C.! UP WITH HEMLINES! DOWN WITH NECKLINES! BAN THE BRA! etc! etc!' "Gee; that's a sign that really gets the message across! "Hey kid, what's your name?" "Walter W. Walter." "I heard you the first time! Anyway Walter, there's a big parade coming down the intersecting street. Don't get lost.. stick close." "Hey is this the parade I was in? Hey kid... Kid! I can't tell which parade I'm in now that they're mixed together at this intersection'" "Come on son; march with us. We're marching for nor country. Here, take my construction helmet. Say, you're not one of those hippydippy-flippies, are you?" "No Sir, I don't care much for extremists." "Good. Just stay close to me and be proud of your country." "That other parade wasn't much fun anyway, sir." "Take a flag, kid. By the way; what's your name?" "Walter W. Walter, Sir." "You don't have to repeat it. Construction workers are not the dummies we used to be!" "Forget it!" "Hey look kid; there's that hippydippy parade again. Hey everybody, let's get 'em!" "What do you mean by get 'em, sir?" "I mean: pinch their tushies, box their ears, cut their hair, pull off their braces, burn their speakers, give 'em the ol' American 1-2, and pull their brains out through their noses! That=s what I mean; you ready?" "N...N...Not really, sir. I don't care much for violence." "O.K., then you stay back here and hold the flag up high." "Yes, certainly; it's an honor!" "Oh that's sickening..euuch..all that blood...I'm glad the police are breaking it up. I don't understand; the hippies want to make America great by changing it; and the hard-hats want to keep it great by not changing at all. I've never seen people wanting the same thing hat one another so strongly because of it! Ah, well, I deplore any kind of violence. Now I'm all shook up. I think I'll go see a movie to calm my nerves. Oh wow! There's a movie theatre! What's playing?... Patton...great. I just love war movies!!!!" PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION |
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