MAY MEMBERSHIP MUSE-LETTER - TAKE TWO
© 2004 Jordan Margolis
We have kidnapped your Membership Chairman Jordan Margolis. We will hold him hostage until our demands are met. Who are we? We are "3Constructionists", a spin-off from "The 4 JRCs" if anyone still remembers them.
If you're wondering whether Margolis is still alive, here's proof. "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM". Sorry, we had to tape his mouth shut, he's so loud and obnoxious (but you know that already). Back to the point, we demand that our manifesto he published in the monthly Muse-Letter column. Don't try telling us that journalistic reasons prohibit publication since we've read Margolis' stuff and that's proof enough that the standards are exceedingly low. So, if you ever want to see or hear Margooglehead again. print this:
THE MANIFESTO OF 3CONSTRUCTIONISTS
Judaism is not a civilization but a trivialization. Minutiae matters (as opposed to size). Conduct can be reduced to 3 simple codes of conformity rather than 10 commandments.
Now we will return Jordansky. as he is fond of calling himself, to you. Unless. of course. you enjoy the quiet. If so, our demands will only go up.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife's Kung Pao Chicken.
- Thou shalt not tell a lie (especially within 400 miles of an Independent Counsel) unless thou bast already retained attorney Alan Dershowitz.
- Thou shalt not trade internet stocks during a bond market rally.
Jordan Margolis Membership Hostage
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION