HUMORIST


HEY JORDO
© 2004 Jordan Margolis


Hey Jordo,
So what's happenin?
LM. Curious
Evanston

Dear Curious,

Thank you for your letter. Believe it or not, that's a very difficult question for me to answer. For you see, much of the Membership "happenins" gets addressed by the various committees around JRC. In fact, sometimes I get as lonely as the Maytag Repairman. But, rather than admit it publicly, let's just keep that little confession between you and me, ok?

Anyway, just to keep up appearances, here's a smattering of imaginary membership news which I usually report on at Board Meetings. Remember, none of it's true, so don't go pulling a "War of the Worlds" type of hysteria attack on me.

• Donations for the new swimming pool are lower than expected, so the deep end will only have 2 feet of water
• The student pranksters who rang the school bell early will be punished by performing their bar mitzvah service twice
• The sisterhood has been sued by the Anti-Defamation League for excluding brothers - Lox boxes must be certified as dolphin safe by the Union of Rabbis named Fish
• Audiotapes of Rabbinical sermons are available in the office. (But, remember, they are not to be played while driving.)
• The Social Affairs winter event will be at the Jerry Springer Show entitled "Jews Who Know Jews Who They Would Like To Throw Chairs At But Are Too Jewish To Really Do It"
• The Artsy People Committee will host an Oneg sometime soon and each committee member will portray their favorite Jewish sports heroes. (It is doubtful that the Social Hall will be needed for additional space.)
• Lastly, the Board has approved of the plan to move High Holiday Services to the Upper Deck of White Sox Park. As Board Member Jordan Margolis stated in support of his motion, "These will be the Highest Holidays ever at JRC:."

I hope that answers your question. And remember, it's our little secret.

JRC-ya
Jordan Margolis, Membership